From the moment we are conceived, we are molded by our mothers and begin subconsciously absorbing all of the energy we are exposed to in the womb. Of course, there are many non-biological mother-child relationships, and we are equally influenced by these dynamics.
A child’s sense of self is built on the kind of bond they have with their primary caregiver, who is usually the mother. If mom fails to meet your emotional needs or you subconsciously absorb too many negative emotions at a young age, you may suffer from what is known as a ‘mother wound.’
Regardless of whether you have a strong relationship with your mom, you haven’t spoken in months, or she is no longer around for you to interact with in this physical plane, all mothers and their children have work they can do. This Mother’s Day, dive into your relationship with Mom to find a deeper sense of connection and love with my guide to healing the mother wounds in your family.
Circumstances that Can Cause the Mother Wound
While daughters are more likely to experience the mother wound, any person can face this energetic disturbance. The following events and traumas are risk factors for experiencing the mother wound:
Provided support for physical needs, but failed to provide love, care, and security
Was not empathetic towards the child’s emotions and didn’t help them understand their emotions
Was extra critical and discouraged negative emotions
Was unavailable to their child because they were too focused on their own interests (However, keep in mind that it’s important for a mother to have time to herself. Practicing self-care doesn’t automatically cause a mother wound.)
Suffered emotional or physical abuse herself and didn’t properly process her trauma
Had an untreated mental health condition
Abused alcohol or other substances
The Cycle Continues
Throughout history, we have lived in a largely patriarchal society where women were treated essentially as second-class citizens. Only within recent decades have women experienced significant progress in the fight against inequality, which is why the mother wound is even being acknowledged in the first place.
Many women, especially of older generations, have internalized the stereotypes that women used to adhere to. They are likely to either consciously or unconsciously pass these beliefs to their daughters. This can lead to uncomfortable situations in which a young woman must accept her mother’s beliefs to maintain a loving relationship or aim for empowerment through her own beliefs and risk being shunned.
As a result, many women end up sabotaging their success in order to satisfy their mothers. This can lead to deep resentment, pain from a lack of acceptance, and other painful emotions. This kind of thinking leads to the child associating her or his desires with disapproval and shame.
The mother wound is not typically seen through just one generation. This pain generally spans through your family tree and ties you to your ancestors.
A child who acquires the mother wound will likely develop this type of relationship with her own children unless he or she becomes aware of the wound and breaks the cycle through intentional healing.
Expressions of the Mother Wound
Every situation is unique with various contributing factors, but certain feelings may point to an unresolved mother wound. Consider if you experience any of the following thoughts or symptoms:
Your mother failed to show up for you emotionally
You didn’t feel safe turning to your mom for support or comfort
Since you doubted your mother’s approval, you went out of your way to try and be perfect
You felt nervous and on edge around mom
You have low self-confidence
You are unable to self-soothe
You feel undeserving of warm and nurturing relationships
Whether you think you have a mother wound or not, the following steps can help you release toxic attachment and healthily strengthen your bond with your mother, even if she has left the Earth. If you’ve had a revelation about your relationship with your mother, it can really help to speak about your feelings with a professional. In my practice, we will explore the root of your traumas, which are in many cases connected to your mother and her own traumas. Call (765) 382-6996.
Stages of Healing the Mother Wound
More than anything, healing from the mother wound is about acknowledging that we hold negative emotions harbored deep as a result of our mother but also understanding why we should forgive her. And then you have to actually embody those beliefs, which takes time and patience.
Express Your Pain
The first step to healing the mother wound is allowing yourself to feel and express pain. Many individuals try to bury their painful emotions about family, but this may only exacerbate the problem. Working with an Emotional Polarity Technique therapist such as myself, journaling, and meditation can help you reach these emotions.
Learn More > Are You Suffering from Childhood Trauma as an Adult?
Since your concept of self was developed as a result of our interactions with mom, you need to believe that any lack of self-image is not your fault. By letting going of the fear of not being good enough, you give yourself space to re-build and expand.
If you rarely received appropriate reinforcement of either positive or negative beliefs from your mother, you will have to re-learn how to understand your emotions. The most important element of this is to simply observe what you are feeling without judgement. Try and figure out what it is that you are feeling, as this is important in order to cope in a way that best serves you as well as prevents future troubles.
Be Your Own Parent
As you grow from a child into an adult, certain responsibilities that you once had no concern over start to become necessary. You must learn how to say no to temptations, stick to disciplined routine, and build mindfulness practices into your routine- whatever that means for you. More than anything, this means taking care of yourself.
This will help you find the independence and sense of whole self that you were unable to achieve as a child.
At the core of Emotional Polarity Technique sessions is the power of forgiveness. Recognizing, grieving, and accepting lost childhood pain can help expand the space for forgiveness. Being a mother is really challenging work, and it’s important for us all to remember moms are just human beings with their own goals and needs.
Forgiving your mom on a deep, cellular level is one of the most powerful steps you can take to heal the mother wound. What’s even more important is forgiving yourself for your own ‘short-comings.’ It’s easy to blame ourselves and our mothers for the problems in our lives. But remember: you are doing a great job and you are on your way towards enlightenment and empowerment.
Change the Narrative with Jolisa Clare EPT
It’s tempting to blame all of our shortcomings and failures on our mothers if they have caused us pain in the past. But this only pulls us further into the black hole of victimhood mentality and prevents us from truly healing.
We are all blessed with the free will to choose how we perceive ourselves and our lives. That’s why you should choose me, Jolisa Clare, to help you navigate past trauma and heal broken relationships. Don’t let unresolved pain prevent you from fueling healthy relationships with your family and discovering self-empowerment.
Reach your potential for fulfilment with Jolisa Clare Holistic. Call (765) 382-6996.